Getting what your "really!!" want

Getting What You Want – Part 3

 

One of the besetting fears each of us face is the fear of being judged.  Image is based almost entirely on what we think others think of us. I think it possible that they are not thinking of us at all.   We grew up wanting the approval of our parents, teachers and peers.  As adults we carry this into our life, our family, our job and social relations.  It is this fear that we won’t measure up that keeps us from doing what we want or need.  It keeps us from going after our dreams and goals.  In general, judging others or ourselves is a waste of time and does nothing at all for us.    We have all heard the phrase, “What will people think?”  We second guess ourselves, by asking, “Did I make the correct decision?”  You have heard of the man who was so fearful of other’s opinion about him, that he wouldn’t watch football on TV.  He was afraid that the team in the huddle was talking about him.

Giving up being judgmental about yourself and about others will enable you to go to new levels in your life and work.  You can do anything you want, but not with the “critic” in your pocket.  My advice is that you give up being critical about yourself first.  Give yourself permission to both succeed and fail, without judging yourself.

  Think about what you fear if you think someone is judging you.  If you are like me, you want to feel like you are accepted.  We want others to accept us and when they seem to be judging us we become unsure of ourselves.   

In school we wanted the approval of our teachers and the students we knew, our peers.  I carried these things right into my adult life and maybe you did too.  What this does is to keep us from going after our dreams and goals.  I lost several jobs, not because I failed at the work, but because I felt I had failed.  I got knocked down and had difficulty regaining my ability to pursue life again.   

In general, judging others or ourselves is a waste of time and does nothing at all for us.  Yes, we have heard that question: “What will people think?”  Thus, we second guess ourselves and get the wrong answer to the question: “Did I make the correct decision?”  It is kind of like avoiding watching television football and thinking that those guys in the huddle are talking about me. 

Giving up be judgmental about yourself and others will energize you to go to whole, new levels in your life and work.  Knowing that you can do anything you want, barring the “critic” in you pocket. So, just give up criticizing or being critical about everything, everybody, and yes yourself.   

Give yourself permission to go for it, succeed or fail, without judging yourself.  Give yourself to being the best you that you can be.

Coach Charles

Getting what you want without fear or guilt

How to Get What You Want, Without Fear or Guilt

 

Fear is a real factor in getting what you want.  The fear of leaving a dead-end job for whatever reason, can petrify you for weeks or months..  Could be that you don't have an alternative to your present, so you stick with it, staying where you are.  "Better the devil you know, than the one you don't." the saying goes.  Besides, its scary to be out on a limb with no one there,with you,  who has your best interests in mind

 

What is it that keeps you awake at night, afraid to go for what you want?  Is it your fear of success, your fear of failure, or a fear of being alone or abandoned?  Maybe you have no one to encourage you.  (Get a coach!)  Honestly a good coach can become your best support and get you centered and moving in a way that is really you.

 

Let's look at the fear of failure.  When we ask people why they don't go for it, the most frequent answer is fear, fear of loosing a sure thing that doesn't meet your needs, to grasping that which will.  We have the idea that everything we do must be perfect and perfectly done in order to call it a success.  It is what I call the merry-go-round argument.  As long as you go along and get along, why try to get the brass ring?

We say, "I am in a merry-go-round situation and I can't get off until I learn how to ride it properly." It becomes the death by a thousand cuts, and so we don't go for it. I've been there and done that.  Maybe you are there and need to get off. 

 

"Fear knocked at the door, and faith answered, and no one was there."

 

Hope this helps,

 

Coach Charles

Overwhelmed?

 

The word “overwhelmed” and its sister, “underwhelmed” have always intrigued me.  We know what both of these mean, but what does it mean to be “whelmed”?  Looking at a dictionary doesn’t help. It is to be crushed or run over, both of which make me think of “overwhelmed.  So, why bring this up?

 

The world has you by the tail rather than the other way around?  You have too much of everything, and you have too little time for anything?  Welcome to the year 2009, where it is only going to get worse.  What with Facebook, Twitter, Plaxo, Linkedin, and a hundred other opportunities to have two million friends, none of which you know, but you think they read what you write.

 

This, of course, does not mean you have to quit, but it might be nice to get some relief.  One thing that helps is to be fully present.  This is that state of being here in the now, rather than reminiscing about what you didn't get done last year, or what you are afraid of in the year to come.  Someone has figured that 80% of our thoughts on any given day are about the past or the future rather than the present.  Is this not a tremendous dilution of your energy? 

 

To be fully present is to be engaged in what is taking place at this exact moment.  Being distracted is an annoyance and to tolerate it a waste of time and energy.  Being present enables one to do what is important at this time and then you will have no need to come back and redo it next week or next year. 

 

It is time to get “whelmed.”

 

Coach

Part of the art of interviewing

Ten Questions to ask:

 1. Tell me about yourself?
 2. Where do you expect to be in five years?
 3. What do you know about our organization?
 4. What do you look for in a job?
 5. Why are you leaving your present position?
 6. What did you like most about your previous job?  Least?
 7. What have been your most important career accomplishments?
 8. What are your strengths?  Weaknesses?
 9. Describe a typical day in your job.
10. Why should we hire you?

Copied, source unknown.  Coach Charles

Another blog 

Ah Yes, networking, bah humbug!!

There is so much stuff out in the book market and weblog market and lots of other places that put a lot of effort into convincing that the key to success in any endeavor is networking.  Well, it isn't.

Like any other tool, it is just a tool.  Thus to use it correctly may mean you get what you are after, but to wrongly use it leads to ruin.

A couple weeks ago, a couple insurance representatives came to my office.  It was obvious to me after a few moments, that this was about them helping themselves by using me and my resources.  It became even clearer when I told them that at best it was still in the exploratory stage.  That didn't take the pressure off one bit.  And while I don't dislike these fellows, I don't trust them.  They made no attempt to engage my trust, but rather to get what they had come for.  Yes, I do find that a turn off.

Have you ever had a friend, or someone you know at a networking event that walks over and flat out tries to sell you?

Whatever the typical response is, I want to run to the woods. 

So how do we, or I, do it?  How can I approach you without taking advantage of you?  How can I network without doing this, without trying to take advantage of you or of our relationship?  How can I recruit you without you feeling imposed on, or for that matter not, in fact, being imposed upon? 

My ideas of marketing is to develop relationships, not clients.  I seek your help in finding others you know that need my services and I do likewise.  I send out stuff for you, not because you asked me, but because it is good for both you and me.  If I send out a brochure or something from you, I put a  post-it on it telling how I know you and what you can  possible do for them.  For example:  I am working through some stuff about Living Trusts, part of which is long term care.  So my Chiropractor, Steven Prom of Fairview, OR gives me Shelly's card.  He tells me she might be able to help.  Well, she works as a financial representative for Country Financial.  It also happens that my grandson, who lives in Washington, works for Country also.   I get them together to help me, and to help each other.  By the by, Shelly is in Wood Village, OR across the street from Fairview.

If you should be interested in any of these, here are their phone numbers:
                                  Dr. Steve Prom, 503-465-9100
                                  Shelly Gorton, 503-492-2228

Now was that so hard?  It is all about relationships, not sales, pressure or whatever.  It is not only who you know, but how you know them.

Coach Charles

Hire the Best Coach

The best coaches are those who have the best players.
The best Companies are those who have the best employees.
         
You cannot succeed by being mediocre yourself,
      nor by having mediocre employees.

Step 1 - Hire a good coach = the best coaches have the best players

Step 2 - Clarify what you are selling = what really is your product?
              Work it out with your coach to get it out - WIN!

Step 3 - Figure how to make your best players ever better.
               The goal is 100% not a 110%, nobody can do better than 100%.
               Remember the 80/20 rule -- 20% of your people produce 80% of the sales.
                  "I make the goal."    That is not 100%

Step 4 - Cut out the "dead wood".  Always be upgrading your team.

Coach Charles

Knowledge versus Responsibility

Some years ago I learned the 28 principles of Attraction defined by Thomas Leonard.  Since then, I have practiced them, probably less than would have be definitely helpful, but what I did was very beneficial.   In an article which I read about that time, I discovered some keys to the connection between knowledge and responsibility.  Here are a few examples:

1. I can teach you ethics, but I cannot make you ethical.
2. I can teach you an attraction system, but only you can bring it off, by making yourself attractive.
3. You alone decide and do what is necessary.

You can apply these to any set of circumstance.  You either do or you don't, it is in your court.

Coach Charles
perfectlifecoach.com

Mission Statements - 3

There is no end of books on this subject.  It would seem that one important consideration is that you know your core values.  If you list your values, you must separate the good from the best and deal with the top 5 or so.

Writing a mission statement -2

If you are not a sole proprietor, get every one you can to contribute their ideas.  Don't just do it yourself and impose it.  If that is too many people to get adequately clear ideas, reduce the audience, carefully.   Key to this working is relationship.  Include more than your office staff or administrative staff.  Get enough involved to have diversity, but not so many as to get confusion.  Too large a group will often have political ramifications, too few and it becomes propitiatory.  Your team should be unified and diversified at the same time.

Coach Charles
www.Perfectlifecoach.com

Qualities of a good Mission Statement -1

First Consideration: Is it something you are really sold on or are you writing it because you heard or think it is a good idea.  Maybe someone told you that you needed a misssion statement, so you wrote one.   Advice: have a reason for the mission statement or it is just rhetoric.

Networking the key to business

Everything we do in life or business is one of relationships.  Business is conducted with those who serve us and those we serve, rather than merely selling to the unwashed multitude.  Your business grows as you have interaction with your clients and they with you.  How does your group attract client, or potential customers?  How did you meet those you have as strategic partners?  Who helps you stay current in your business or your field?  What can you learn that would help you make new and better contacts with those who can help you get in better touch with your mentors and peers?

Coach Charles  Sinapup@bigfoot.com

First entry: 10142012 Effective Networking

So hard to get on the site I used before.  Thus, I am taking the easy out.  I am beginning again.

Here goes.

Effective networking requires that we have to have relationships with people, expecially those we can serve.  It may be that they will want this also.  A relationship is a mutual thing and it is a part of every transaction.  The hard part is getting it right, getting them to be a part of their life.  Have fun, this is only the beginning.

Coach Charles