Getting what your "really!!" want

Getting What You Want – Part 3

 

One of the besetting fears each of us face is the fear of being judged.  Image is based almost entirely on what we think others think of us. I think it possible that they are not thinking of us at all.   We grew up wanting the approval of our parents, teachers and peers.  As adults we carry this into our life, our family, our job and social relations.  It is this fear that we won’t measure up that keeps us from doing what we want or need.  It keeps us from going after our dreams and goals.  In general, judging others or ourselves is a waste of time and does nothing at all for us.    We have all heard the phrase, “What will people think?”  We second guess ourselves, by asking, “Did I make the correct decision?”  You have heard of the man who was so fearful of other’s opinion about him, that he wouldn’t watch football on TV.  He was afraid that the team in the huddle was talking about him.

Giving up being judgmental about yourself and about others will enable you to go to new levels in your life and work.  You can do anything you want, but not with the “critic” in your pocket.  My advice is that you give up being critical about yourself first.  Give yourself permission to both succeed and fail, without judging yourself.

  Think about what you fear if you think someone is judging you.  If you are like me, you want to feel like you are accepted.  We want others to accept us and when they seem to be judging us we become unsure of ourselves.   

In school we wanted the approval of our teachers and the students we knew, our peers.  I carried these things right into my adult life and maybe you did too.  What this does is to keep us from going after our dreams and goals.  I lost several jobs, not because I failed at the work, but because I felt I had failed.  I got knocked down and had difficulty regaining my ability to pursue life again.   

In general, judging others or ourselves is a waste of time and does nothing at all for us.  Yes, we have heard that question: “What will people think?”  Thus, we second guess ourselves and get the wrong answer to the question: “Did I make the correct decision?”  It is kind of like avoiding watching television football and thinking that those guys in the huddle are talking about me. 

Giving up be judgmental about yourself and others will energize you to go to whole, new levels in your life and work.  Knowing that you can do anything you want, barring the “critic” in you pocket. So, just give up criticizing or being critical about everything, everybody, and yes yourself.   

Give yourself permission to go for it, succeed or fail, without judging yourself.  Give yourself to being the best you that you can be.

Coach Charles

Getting what you want without fear or guilt

How to Get What You Want, Without Fear or Guilt

 

Fear is a real factor in getting what you want.  The fear of leaving a dead-end job for whatever reason, can petrify you for weeks or months..  Could be that you don't have an alternative to your present, so you stick with it, staying where you are.  "Better the devil you know, than the one you don't." the saying goes.  Besides, its scary to be out on a limb with no one there,with you,  who has your best interests in mind

 

What is it that keeps you awake at night, afraid to go for what you want?  Is it your fear of success, your fear of failure, or a fear of being alone or abandoned?  Maybe you have no one to encourage you.  (Get a coach!)  Honestly a good coach can become your best support and get you centered and moving in a way that is really you.

 

Let's look at the fear of failure.  When we ask people why they don't go for it, the most frequent answer is fear, fear of loosing a sure thing that doesn't meet your needs, to grasping that which will.  We have the idea that everything we do must be perfect and perfectly done in order to call it a success.  It is what I call the merry-go-round argument.  As long as you go along and get along, why try to get the brass ring?

We say, "I am in a merry-go-round situation and I can't get off until I learn how to ride it properly." It becomes the death by a thousand cuts, and so we don't go for it. I've been there and done that.  Maybe you are there and need to get off. 

 

"Fear knocked at the door, and faith answered, and no one was there."

 

Hope this helps,

 

Coach Charles

Overwhelmed?

 

The word “overwhelmed” and its sister, “underwhelmed” have always intrigued me.  We know what both of these mean, but what does it mean to be “whelmed”?  Looking at a dictionary doesn’t help. It is to be crushed or run over, both of which make me think of “overwhelmed.  So, why bring this up?

 

The world has you by the tail rather than the other way around?  You have too much of everything, and you have too little time for anything?  Welcome to the year 2009, where it is only going to get worse.  What with Facebook, Twitter, Plaxo, Linkedin, and a hundred other opportunities to have two million friends, none of which you know, but you think they read what you write.

 

This, of course, does not mean you have to quit, but it might be nice to get some relief.  One thing that helps is to be fully present.  This is that state of being here in the now, rather than reminiscing about what you didn't get done last year, or what you are afraid of in the year to come.  Someone has figured that 80% of our thoughts on any given day are about the past or the future rather than the present.  Is this not a tremendous dilution of your energy? 

 

To be fully present is to be engaged in what is taking place at this exact moment.  Being distracted is an annoyance and to tolerate it a waste of time and energy.  Being present enables one to do what is important at this time and then you will have no need to come back and redo it next week or next year. 

 

It is time to get “whelmed.”

 

Coach

Part of the art of interviewing

Ten Questions to ask:

 1. Tell me about yourself?
 2. Where do you expect to be in five years?
 3. What do you know about our organization?
 4. What do you look for in a job?
 5. Why are you leaving your present position?
 6. What did you like most about your previous job?  Least?
 7. What have been your most important career accomplishments?
 8. What are your strengths?  Weaknesses?
 9. Describe a typical day in your job.
10. Why should we hire you?

Copied, source unknown.  Coach Charles

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